i never tag my queued posts because i want you guys to always question whether or not I’m actually online. maybe this post is queued. maybe I’m on a plane to france. idk. mysterious.
I want a cactus in a cute little pot and I’ll name it after you because you’re a fucking prick.
WHERE THE HELL DID FLAPPY BIRD EVEN COME FROM
ONE DAY EVERYTHING IS NORMAL LIKE IT ALWAYS IS AND THE NEXT DAY PEOPLE ARE CRYING AND GETTING DIVORCED BECAUSE OF THIS FUCKING GAME WHAT THE HELL LIKE I DONT UNDERSTAND WHERE THIS CAME FROM
dont waste ur time reading this post. go paint a tree, hlep the elderly cross the street, skip down the road, throw a rock in the beach, take life by the tits and milk it
that post was definitely worth reading
UR NOT MILKING THE TITS OF LIFE
I’m holding a charity event tonight for people who can’t reach orgasm.
If you can’t come let me know.
A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!
this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.
i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.
My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”
THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.
it worked, but not before I laughed for days.
For that last comment.
I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.
Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, at some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.
On a totally different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.
I’m fuckin dying this post got like 16313643% better
i’m gonna set my facebook relationship status to “in a relationship” and see what happens
Ahh, the migration of the rare golden retriever fish. What a rare and beautiful sight in nature.
have you ever caught someone staring at you and wondered what they’re thinking about like if it’s something positive or negative if it’s a passing thought or a long internal string of things if they’re even thinking about you at all or you just happen to be in the line of sight while their mind drifts off about something completely unrelated