dear diary,
i finally got to 15 followers on tumblr. i’m trying really hard to not let the fame get to my head but it’s difficult. today some lady at the supermarket asked me if i wanted paper or plastic bags and i just f*****cking lost it i am too famous for her questions. i can’t believe i haven’t been asked to do a magazine cover yet. i feel like it is coming soon.
(via yourvoiceinnovember)
the swim team at my school was able to slip in “we go in hard and come out wet” in the yearbook and the yearbook people didn’t realize it until it was too late so they put stickers over that part but everyone’s taking that shit off
that is beautiful
(via dietcokeanddirtysecrets)
*doctor delivers baby* yes that’ll be $8 for shipping and handling
(via yourvoiceinnovember)
moral of the story: stick to the status quo
are you greg
yes
hello greg
can we add another greg to the party
hello gregs
i am also greg
too many gregs
You could say it’s a…. congregation
(via emojied)
my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
(via emojied)
once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house
i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the police
(via emojied)
one time i got drunk at my cousin’s graduation and my mom was like “why do you feel the need to get drunk at family occasions” and i look at her and i was like “i learned from the best” and i got grounded
(via dietcokeanddirtysecrets)
